HOW TO DIE TO SELF DAILY IN MARRIAGE

"And the foolish said to the wise, “Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.” But the wise answered, saying, “No, lest there should not be enough for us and you.

BIBLE READING: JOHN 12: 23-50; EPHESIANS 5:22-33; 1CORINTHIANS 15:31

Everyone desires intimacy in Marriage. Every one of us wishes to find and stay connected with that one person who knows our strengths and weaknesses fully yet loves us deeply. Nevertheless, our natural tendency drifts toward selfishness and pride, negative traits that weaken relational bonds and lead to distrust and isolation. Dying to self, however, enables Forgiveness, helps us manifest the Fruits of the Spirit, and leads to Strong and Thriving Marriages (Gal. 5:22-23). If for instance your Marriage is in crisis and you and your spouse desire to save your Marital Union, you would both need to die to yourselves, relinquishing your pride and self-centredness so that God could live unhindered through your lives.

Let us consider the Words of our Lord Jesus Christ, spoken shortly before His Death: “Whoever wants to be My disciple MUST DENY THEMSELVES and TAKE UP THEIR CROSS DAILY, and FOLLOW ME” Lk. 9:23 (NIV). When most of us think of the Old Rugged Cross, we think of God’s Incredible Love, Mercy, and Grace (Heb. 4:16). Perhaps we also consider God’s Gift of Salvation and transformed lives. And while the Cross does present a Clear Picture of all those things, the Disciples, to whom Jesus was speaking, probably captured a mental picture of something more gruesome. The Cross they knew was an Instrument of Torture upon which only the most despicable criminals were executed (Gal. 3:13). But Jesus flipped this by becoming our Substitute: “God made Him Who had no sin to be Sin for us, so that in Him we might become the Righteousness of God” 2Cor. 5:21(NIV). Simply put, the Cross symbolizes that which wasn’t deserved. Jesus, Who was Blameless, endured the punishment we deserved in order to give us the Grace we didn’t. Now, as His Followers, He calls us to emulate Him and set aside whatever we assume we might deserve in order to offer Love, Mercy and Grace to our spouses. My pride leads me to focus on myself i.e., my wants, feelings, and desires. When left unchecked, it won’t be long before I begin to feel entitled, deprived, and embittered. However, when I remember that I deserved death but instead was given the Gift of Life, my sense of entitlement dies a certain death, giving rise to Generous Love.

There are certain Scriptural Facts about dying to self stated below:

(1.) Dying to self frees us to forgive: Dying to oneself enables the Genuine Christian believer to forgive freely. If you are already "dead," then you've got nothing to lose, nothing to trample on and nothing to protect. Let go of your ego and release that prisoner. The ironic thing there is that when you do, you'll find out that the prisoner of unforgiveness was you all along.

(2.) Dying to self fosters the Fruit of the Spirit: In Galatians chapter 5, Apostle Paul provides two contrasting images: One is the man consumed by self while the other is the man yielded to the Holy Spirit. Self-love, or feeding the flesh, results in all sorts of relationship-damaging behaviors such as strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, envy and “anything similar” (Gal. 5:19-21). Divorce courts throughout the world are teeming with individuals who live this way. Those surrendered to the Holy Spirit, however, live their lives characterized by Agape Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control and these behaviors have the opposite effect on Marriage. Where envy separates, Love joins. Where strife expires, Joy inspires. Where outbursts of anger wound, Patience, and Kindness heal. In Marriage, death to self always leads to life, the Kind of Life God intended when He declared that the two would become one (Gen. 2:24). Whenever we die to ourselves, it is easier to shift our focus from “me” to “we.” Too many times we hear that Marriage is "50/50” whereas it is supposed to operate on the "100/0" Principle i.e., we should love others with 100% of ourselves—never expecting anything in return.

(3.) Dying to self fosters Marital intimacy: Whenever you are dead, Humility and Submission become like a second nature. There is no will left to power. There is no more claiming of rights. There is no need to control. This helps us to demonstrate the Submission commanded by the Lord in Ephesians Chapter Five. As we die to self, our sole agenda becomes lifting the other person up, focusing on their needs and assuring them that they are loved. When we behave that way, intimacy gets a turbo boost. Self-love is the bedrock of pride and bitterness, and it is the antithesis of Marital intimacy. But whenever we die to ourselves and yield to the Holy Spirit, God’s Unifying, Healing, and Restoring Love flows unhindered through us, inevitably resulting in a Strong and Thriving Marriage

prayers:

Heavenly Father, we honour You in all things. O Lord, we pray that You grant us a Deeper Understanding of death to self and grant us the Grace to practice it in our relationships in Jesus' Mighty Name. Amen.